Apple Drink

Yesterday was a long day. The night before I had seen Inception and didn't get home till super late for a work night, but it was totally worth it. BEST.MOVIE.EVER. After work I had a blogger event for the other site I blog for ChicagoNow: http://www.chicagonow.com/blogs/stephanie-eats-chicago/

Finally I headed home around 7:30pm and got on the 22 Clark bus going North. I have previously expressed my disconnect for babies on the bus. Alaina expressed it best the other day: "Children should be seen and not heard". Let me tell you I have never seen more Mommy-to-Baby PDA in my life! Mommy (as she refered to herself as more than several times) practically ate baby's face the entire ride home screaming out for the entire bus to hear "Mommy just lovvveeeessss your kisses!" Ok I have to admit the baby was pretty cute, it actually reminded me of a small tree monkey, complete with tie-dye pouch it was placed in on Mommy's tummy.

Sometimes I am unable to control my laughter in awkward situations. This was one of those times. Mommy started talking about how baby wanted "apple drink", no not apple juice but "apple drink" then she started talking about "water drink". Water is water, it isn't "water drink". If that couldn't have been more obnoxious I think she used "apple drink" a total of 15 times, no joke, I was very relieved when she announced to the bus it was gone. There is where I couldn't hold it in any longer. Mommy broke out the baby sign language. Baby sign language is this new way of Mommy-Baby communication that many yuppies tend to enjoy. My little cousins were trained in baby sign language as infants and so I know some of the signs combined with my knowledge of "Meet the Fockers". I lost it when the kid started signing for milk, Mommy goes "ohhhhh noooo we must wait until we get home for that" and then she repeats the milk sign. The girl next to me clearly knew why I lost it and I explained it had been a long day. She replies "I take the North Ave bus every morning, it's a real treat". I liked her.

The epitome of the Mommy-Baby trip happened when a strange looking man took two pine-cones from his pocket and handed them to baby and then exited the bus. My question is, don't pine cones usually occur in the fall when the trees are shedding? Where did this strange man get these mysterious pine cones?

Transformer Filming

Most mornings I catch the 134 to work. For those of you who aren't bus riders this bus is an express from Arlington (right before Fullerton in LP) all the way to Wacker and Columbus which is less than a block from where I work. Recently there has been Transformer 3 filming in the loop and a lot of the buses have been rerouted. This was the case today because there were 5 tanks right in front of our building!!! I took a bunch of pictures (to come soon) and if it doesn't rain I plan on recruiting the intern to go with me and take more during lunch!!

Sauced

Those of you who know me well know that I'm not particularly good at sticking up for myself. Yesterday I had an incident on the bus that just made me have to speak up.

The Scene: Stephanie is sitting on the bus on her way to Andrew's minding her own business. ENTER-3 girls carrying a box of Domino's pizza and a 24 pack of Busch light. Apparently I was sitting in the wrong place at the wrong time.

The Interaction: The overwhelming smell of Domino's veggie-sausage combo pizza begins to overwhelm my sensitive nostrils. Note-this smell in not very appealing. I find myself in the center of a pizza passing circle. First one girl takes out a few slices of pizza and sits them on top of the box. Gross. She then proceeds to drop thus two pieces as the bus goes over a speed bump. The land approximately a half foot from my feet. Already this is too close for comfort, but I keep my mouth shut. Then the girl proceeds to pass the pizza over me to her friend. I am wearing a brand new red dress and in opinion I am having a cute day. I let this one slide. Then the girl who receives the pizza passes a slice back to her mate. A splash of sauce lands on my shoe. My new shoe. This is enough.

I really don't want to sound like a bitch, but I'm kind of in a lose-lose situation here. So I speak up, "Can you please stop passing the pizza over me. You have kind of sauced my shoe". The three girls look down at my shoe. It indeed is sauced. With no napkin in sight I reach down and gently flick the sauce as far away from my appendeges as possible. Thankfully all three girls apologized and immediatly stopped passing the pizza. In awkward silence follows. Thank god my stop is the next one and I'm able to make my exit promptly.

To all CTA-goers: Please don't pass pizza while in motion. Keep all hands, arms, objects and boxes in your lap at all times.

Longest Bus Ride Ever

This text conversation between Alaina and myself sums up the bus ride today...the 45 minute 4 mile bus ride...

me: wtf why are the buses so busy im becoming hostile
alaina: I know it's fucking BS
me: I hate the perky Michigan ave tourists
alaina: With a passion. Someone sitting by me smells like rotting milk.
me: 2 men are taking up 4 seats im beyond irked

Things That Happened on the Bus Lately

1. A scruffy older gentleman with a suitcase entered the bus and turned the driver and told him, "have a safe landing".

2. There were 4 distinct different smells on the bus the other day, none of which were pleasant.

3. I happened to see the wheel-chair "shaver" again the other day, he must live in my hood. Thankfully this time he did not whip out his electric shaver, saving me from his sharp red beard hairs.

4. Almost went flying through the windshield the other day it was so crowded. Yet the bus kept making stops.

5. Took a look at myself as I boarded the bus the other day and was ashamed. I was a total yuppy in my dress pants, large work bag and trader joes grocerry sack.

Directionally Challenged

Today my bus driver got lost.

I gave him:
1. Directions to our first stop (it was an express)
2. The benefit of the doubt that it might have been his first day on a new route

I single handedly saved myself and the rest of the yuppies from being late to work. I am a hero.

Babies on the Bus

1. Your baby is not nearly as interesting to me as it is to you

2. Breastfeeding is NEVER allowed on the bus

3. Leaving your baby in its carseat in the location where bags/luggage are to be kept is inappropriate

4. If your child gets bus-sick on me, it will not be a pretty scene

5. Learn to fold your stroller

6. Sticky hands are not welcome on the gripping poles, use napkins or even better baby wipes!

7. Diaper bags don't need their own seat

8. When you're child has a snotty nose, wipe it

Got any more suggestions/comments? Email me!